


No Homo

by duchessofwraiths



Series: The Little Town I Call Home(stuck) [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duchessofwraiths/pseuds/duchessofwraiths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and John have a little bet going on. A five parter that culminates in the loser buying the other dinner and tickets to a movie too. No homo, obviously. They're so not homo. That's a ridiculous idea, what are you talking about?</p><p>(An AU where John used to date Rose, Dave and Rose are stepsiblings, and who wasn't up for a little pseudoincest once upon a time, especially with the bitch who broke your best friend's heart? Poor Jade just wanted a piece of Strider ass.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's On Like Dave on John

"I'm telling you, man. It's the best movie I've ever seen." John wouldn't stop talking about this one alien movie that Dave was in no way interested in.

"Why would you go see it again?"

"I can't watch anything without your expert commentary, that's why!"

"John I'm really not into aliens. They got the fucking antenna shit going on. It's damn nasty."

"Won't you please come with me?"

"Only if you pay for the ticket."

"It's not a date, man. We're just hanging out."

"You have to pay or I'm not going."

"This is bullshit, Dave!" 

"I propose a series of bets, then, if you won't deign to pay for one goddamned movie ticket."

"Bets? I'm in." John said immediately.

"Wait until you hear the rules. There are five challenges. We each come up with two and decide on the last together, and by Sunday whoever wins gets the other to pay for the movie."

"And dinner."

"What is this, a date?" Dave demanded, glad his eyes were hidden by the shades.

"It's a wager, my friend. If you can't handle it-"

"I can handle it."

"One condition."

"Name it." Dave held out his hand. As John shook it, he told him.

"If you buy me pizza, we are over."

Dave scoffed. "Pizza qualifies as a vegetable in this fine country."

"No pizza."

"Alright, alright, let go of my hand will you?" John obliged with another good-natured glare.

"It's on, friend."


	2. She Knows Who You Did Last Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know, you're beautiful." Rose said, her eyes not covered by the violet lies this time. They were regular blue, a different blue from John's-a colder blue. Cool as ice, but the ice was melting into tears. They dripped onto the couch, mixing with the torn wrapping paper.

"A French martini, dear brother?"

"Stop calling me that."

"I agree the endearments still feel out of place, but I'm sure it will come with time."

"Just because one trip to visit my pen pal spiraled into your mother marrying my dad, forcing us to move halfway across the country, does not make us related."

"It's been one and a half years, David. You need to get over it. Aren't you happy to be living in the same little town as your best friend?"

"My best friend whose heart you broke five months after I arrived. And who you are still dating."

"What happened between John and I is not any of your business!" Rose cleared her throat after her outburst. "Now we've been banished to the basement. We can either break into my mother's unlocked liquor cabinet-" A lock dangled from her fingers. "Or we can continue hating each other."

"Fine, let's get drunk."

"French martini, then?"

"Didn't your mother make something like hot chocolate with vodka last time?"

"Let's break out the bartending manual." She smiled for the first time, a real one.

 ~~~~

Her mouth was far softer. He'd expected sharp edges, but then again he had never seen John bleed. It was one kiss, but she pulled back immediately.

"You love John, don't you?"

"John's my best friend in the world, Rose. How can I not love him?"

"I love him too, but not the way you do. We both love him the wrong way."

"What are you talking about?"

"You love him like a lover. I love him like he's my best friend."

"Can you give that to me?"

"Make me love him in real life, Dave-"

"I just don't want to think about you two, doing what you do because he's mine, he's my friend, him and his bad hair and his bad eyes and his bad bad bad beautiful voice, can boys be beautiful?"

_"You know, you're beautiful."_ Rose said, her eyes not covered by the violet lies this time. They were regular blue, a different blue from John's-a colder blue. Cool as ice, but the ice was melting into tears. They dripped onto the couch, mixing with the torn wrapping paper.

Then it was only Rose speaking.

_ "Dave, I have to love him." _

_ "Dave, you have so many freckles on your chest. It's so beautiful." _

_ "John-John I wish I could be yours-John I'm not used to belonging to a person-" _

_ "You kiss like you don't know it's me, did you know that?" _

_ "You kiss me like a stranger in a dark bedroom-" _

Soft, white, she was a white rose.

_ "Dave, yes, there, no, I can't be doing this, no, you're family-" _

John wasn't here, John loved him like a friend and her like a lover, no one needed to know.

_ "Please." _

The crinkling as fingers fumbled to open, the sighing.

_ "Please!" _

_ "Dave!" _

"Merry Christmas, Dave. I'm a cheater and you're a bad friend."

That last one was said in early morning, her pulling strands of tinsel out of her hair and kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"What am I going to tell John?"

Dave bolted upright, grabbed her by the arm and blinked against the light coming in. He'd taken off his sunglasses, or maybe she had.

"This never happened. Never. Ever."

"You gave me your virginity as a Christmas gift. I liked it much better than the wizarding hat." 

"I hate you. I really do."


	3. First Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!

** Bet I. Lose one essential clothing item. Can't be underwear. **

Dave was running to school barefoot, trying to remember why he had agreed to this stupid bet in the first place when he ran headfirst into his worst enemy-Rose Lalonde. The worst part about Rose wasn't her past with john (fuck you john, fuck your errant dick), or the way she deliberately wore lavender contacts to freak people out...it was the level of snark she wielded like the weapon of mass destruction it was. Lord, did he hate his stepsister.

"It's a little chilly for the beach bum look, isn't it?"

"Go away, Rose."

"Is that any way to treat your sister?"

"You've been talking to John again. I thought you were going to stay away from him."

"Are you monitoring his phone calls now?"

Dave's feet were freezing off, so he kept walking.

"Nice sash, by the way." he shouted into the air.

"It's my mother's scarf."

"I recognize the signature Lalonde look. Sophisticated slut."

"What did you call me?" She caught up with him.

"Since when do you care what people call you?"

"Did you start that rumor, Dave?"

"What rumor?"

"That I've had sex with six different college boys at the same time, that I screw my cousins, that my favorite pastime is dressing up as a maid."

"Aren't these truths?"

"You're sick, David Lalonde."

"I'm a Strider. I'M A STRIDER."

"Not according to your father's last name."

"Fuck up out of my life."

"Your shoelace is untied."

Dave hunched his shoulders and continued to school.

~~~~

John was sitting with his back against Dave's locker.

"What's going on?"

"I can't see for shit, Dave."

Dave swallowed hard. He forgot that John was pretty without his glasses.

"Can you see me?"

"Yes. You left your shades on. I win."

"Nuh uh." Dave pushed John's pant leg up and pressed his cold foot onto John's ankle.

"You didn't wear shoes? You're going to freeze to death."

"and you're going to fall down the stairs. Ready to give In?"

"hell no, I'm in this for the long haul."

"I bet that's what you say to all the girls." Dave helped him to his feet amidst loud protests.

"Dave, I can stand up by myself."

"I'll walk you to your first class."

"Thanks, but I'm fine."

"Why are you obsessed with bets, John?" Dave yelled at the retreating figure, watching to make sure he successfully made it around the corner.

The first bell rang, but Dave stayed put.

"Strider, you left your shoes at home. Terezi, check out this spaz."

"You don't look so good." A loud cackle from behind him let Dave know that his friends were near. Speaking of stubborn, there was Karkat Vantas, captain of the soccer team. Shorter by a good two inches than Dave himself, the guy was notorious for his temper, his ridiculous foul mouth, and his utter devotion to his girlfriend.

Said girlfriend of three years if no one counted the brief hiccup sophomore year when they both decided to experiment and subsequently fucked the same guy (student body treasurer Sollux Captor), Terezi Pyrope was the scariest thing in the world. Blind, top of the class, and a self-employed private detective for the school, Terezi had taught Vantas English when he first moved from the Dominican Republic in third grade and their love was a twisted, festering thing that utterly confused Dave. When they weren't fighting, they could be quite sickeningly cute. Today was a no fighting day, obviously. Vantas had his hand on her back to guide her and Dave wondered what it'd be like if he had done the same with John just now.

No homo. Obviously.

"Where's the boyfriend?"

"Not my boyfriend,Rez. You know that. Best friend. There's a difference."

"Is there?" Terezi turned to fakelook at Karkat. "Karkat, don't lie to me. All good best friends fuck at least once."

"Yours is a special case and by special I mean fucked up and weird."

"Little redundant there." Great, now fucking Ampora was here. Ever since he'd gone belly up with Feferi Peixes, Eridan had decided to become the spell check and grammatical editor for every conversation he could interrupt. Some sort of coping mechanism, but it had been two weeks of this now.

Now that he wasting surrounded by three out of his five best friends, Dave decided that he was late to class.

"I'm out of here. First period English with Ms. Porrim."

"I know, asshole. Where do you think I'm going?"

"Well your hand is under your girlfriend's shirt in clear violation of several school policies-"

"I'm literally touching her fucking back, Eridan. Shut the fuck up. Alright, Pyrope. I'm out."

She leaned forward, and his hands caught her cheeks to help her find his face as they shared a brief kiss.

"I'm going to grab a cup of so called coffee in the caf with Vriska."

"Can I come?" Ampora asked her, voice faint because Dave was already semi-limping down the hallway next to Karkat. 

"In all seriousness, you could just fucking make a move already. He's clearly got you on a leash. Why the fuck else would you do a bet like this?"

"it was my idea."

"Whatever you say, man. We still going out for shakes after this? I'm telling you, you're gonna love this guy. He is the one that taught me how to properly roll a joint."

"He goes to the school across town? And I thought you said you don't do drugs."

"I smoke every once in a while. Fuck it. If Terezi knew I was buying, she'd gut me worse than Eridan did when I bought him a knockoff scarf."

"The best part about John is that Star Trek music actually would be a turn on for him. Still can't believe you and Terezi didn't break up over that. Your bond is infallible."

"You just admitted thst you like Egbert, you dumbass."

"Not to anyone who'd repeat it."

"Got me pegged, Strider." Karkat let Dave lean on him for the rest of the trip.

~~~~

A bloodcurdling scream woke Dave up from his daily nap in Math. 

"What the hell was that?"

The kid next to him with the cat ears on her head shrugged at him. "Murder? Intrigue? Who knows?"

Dave raised his hand to go to the bathroom and was swiftly denied the opportunity.

He didn't even need to do so because then the fire alarm went off.

Three girls ran into the classroom.

"BOY IN THE GIRL'S BATHROOM!" one yelled. She even resembled Argus Filch when she tripped her way to the teacher's desk. Dave raised his eyebrows.

"JOHN EGBERT YOU PATHETIC LEECH!" The voice of a certain disgruntled fashion icon rang out, followed by a resounding slap.

Dave stood up immediately. "I very much have to release my bladder sir."

"Go to the dean's office and fetch him before you do so, David."

"Thank you sir. Thank you." Dave bowed out of pure gratitude and ran outside. The girl's bathroom was directly next to his classroom and outside the door was Kanaya Maryam screaming at a cowed John. He was fumbling in his pocket, but Dave spotted his glasses on the floor and picked them up.

"Here you go." Dave offered them to him. Kanaya stopped long enough for John to don them, at which point he turned to Dave.  John's face fell.

"I lose, don't I?"

Dave winked and gestured to his still bare and now blistered feet.

~~~~

"John, how do you expect us to believe it was an accident? Meenah Peixes has put a price on your head. Apparently her girlfriend was in there." Jade said excitedly, perpetually glad to gossip.

"It's not my fault, I couldnt see!" John gave Dave an imploring look. His glasses were back on.

"I still win this round, Egbert."

"No mercy for a pretty face?"

"Pulling that card so soon?" Dave grinned.

Jade made a face. "You guys are so gay."

"Wait until you hear my bet."

"Is it to suck a-"

"Jade!"

"It's something you'll never expect."

"It's about National Treasure."


	4. Second Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're really not gay. Look, they can prove it.
> 
> (aka please never fuck with Terezi, jesus christ)

** Bet II: Steal the Declaration of Independence. **

"How the fuck are we supposed to do that?"

"No, no. It's a metaphor, see?"

"For what?"

"A panty raid. Clearly. Women express independence through panties."

"How does that even make sense?"

~~~~

"I still don't understand why we couldn't just go to Rose's."

"That's sick, I hate her, she's my stepsister, my dad lives there, you need to get over her."

"Okay, fine. But we might get murdered here."

"Come on, John. She's only human."

"She's also my best girl friend."

"What about Jade?"

"Besides Jade."

"I'm just worried she'll murder us. I'm surprised you agreed to this even, with Vantas's penchant for longterm grudges."

Dave wasn't exactly sure why he'd agreed either, but his focus was on winning this bet and getting some quality chinese. And trying not to pop a boner with John holding onto him for dear life.

"Come on, the back door is unlocked."

"This is an adventure. I'm loving this, Dave!"

Dave smiled at the excitement in his voice before shushing him. They entered as quietly as possible, a little difficult because John had brought a paper Trader Joe's bag for storage.

"SHIT ABORT MISSION WHAT IS THAT DAAAAAVE-"

"They have an iguana. His name is Lemonsnout because of his yellowish snout, see? Hey Lemonsnout." Dave crouched down to scratch the reptile under his chin.

"I think we should go back now."

"There's no going back now." Dave straightened up. "Besides, Lemonsnout gives his blessing. Let's go upstairs."

"Why does this bag make so much noise?" John whined.

"Because it's for grocery shopping, not CIA missions."

The trip up the stairs was hardest. Every step creaked. It was two a.m. on a Wednesday night, and John already had gotten decked by the captain of the swim team for scaring her girlfriend. The black eye was shaping up nicely, and definitely lended character to his face.

Which Dave refused to think about once they entered the threshold of Terezi's room.

Or rather, he couldn't think about it because the light turned on and a cane came swinging at both him and John. 

~~~~

"This puts me in a very interesting position, boys."

"Does it really? You could just let us go."

"And release you to terrorize more girls? I hear you entered the female lavatory yesterday."

"Not even true-well sort of true-entered implied I did it on purpose-" John broke off to yawn, unable to cover his mouth due to the ropes thst had trussed him up.

"Why do you even have handcuffs?" Dave demanded, shaking his wrists wildly.

"Keep it down. I have them for fun."

"Fun? You mean like with Vantas-I'm gonna throw up."

"You turned Lemonsnout traitor, you despicable boy! If you weren't my best white friend-"

"Best white friend?"

"In case you didn't notice, the love of my life is quite clearly Hispanic."

"You're gonna have real cute kids with red hair and olive skin, man." John said wistfully. "I like kids."

"Does Vantas even say he loves you?"

Terezi's eyes flashed. "That is none of your business."

"You're killing us, man!"

"You have the right to remain silent."

"I've got a History test tomorrow, Rez!!"

"I want you to sign an oath in blood that you will never go looking for girl's panties again."

"Blood." John repeated.

"She's serious."

"Otherwise I'm not friends with you anymore, Dave. This is a clear violation of trust and if Karkat ever found out you did this-" She glanced at the noose hanging over her bed.

"Is that also for sex?" John asked with trepidation. Dave was sure his opinion of Karkat Vantas was undergoing serious change.

"No, you pervert. It's a decoration."

"Alright, get out the fountain pen." Dave said in resignation. 

They pricked their fingers and wrote quickly. 

"There you go." Terezi unlocked Dave's cuffs and directed him to untie John.

They left quickly. Dave stopped once again to greet Lemonsnout. 

Once they were outside, John took Dave's hand in his palms and examined the pinprick. "Yours is bigger than mine."

"No homo." Dave added.

"Heh. Yeah." John pressed his thumb over the drop of blood welling up at the edge of his finger. Dave watched him in confusion, hair in his eyes. "Applying pressure to the wound."

"It's less than a paper cut, seriously." Dave squirmed.

"Adventurers need to heal!"

The sun was already coming up.They gazed at it as they stood in her backyard. 

"I guess we both lost this one." John said dejectedly.

"Yeah."

"Only I didn't!" John held up a pair of boxers with a grin.

"Dude, Terezi doesn't wear boxers."

"How do you know?"

"Because I've been to her house before! She wears stuff with weird sayings on them and lots of lace and shit."

"But these were in her-Oh fuck! Fuck!" John dropped them immediately.

"We definitely both lost."


	5. Third Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade thinks they're getting a little ridiculous. As does Rose.
> 
> "Don't you think I taste like him though? Irony and Dr. Pepper?"

** Bet III: Get a girl to kiss you. **

"Are all of your bets related to girls? You guys have 'no homo' tattooed on your foreheads." Jade laughed.

"Jade, please. Come on."

"I'm not kissing you."

"What if I told you that I actually do like John?"

"I already knew that."

"But if I admit it, like..." Dave sighed. "...like the sight of him makes me stiff and I don't know why, only I do. Not just stiff down there-" Dave thrust his hips once in demonstration, and Jade stifled a giggle. "But my chest goes tight and I'll bet my shoulders too."

 "Dave, you like him. It's fucking obvious to all of us." 

"Hold up little mama, I ain't even close to done."

"Are you going Texas on me again, David Elizabeth?"

"We don't fucking say that name in these parts."

"Your brother does."

"Will you just let me complain without your goddamned two cents in the picture, woman?"

Jade laughed out loud at that last part, but cowed by the look he gave her afterwards, she then fell silent. "Alright." Dave inhaled. "I'm stiff like a statue, only buzzing like a bee-and for once it's not for someone in my family tree. Only John is like a brother, fucking family to me-so why's he got to smell so good unconsciously? It's getting hard to cope, like my brain went and eloped, with my kidneys thinking dope, and it's making me choke because I'm beating off to the thought of his dad's laundry soap. It's murder that she wrote-you know exactly the broad, sir, she plays her mindgames and somehow he lauds her, her mom's an alcoholic and she took my knighthood-night and it's dark and she provided the hood-" 

"Wait, you lost your virginity to Rose???" 

"Jade, I'm clearly extrapolating here when it comes to that chick, yes she stole it that vixen, the thought makes me sick-the moral of the story is when it comes to sweet vermouth, you'll lose your dignity and the truth? No homo for the records but if john had been there too, Wizardry Wench ain't the one I would have screwed. See the problem's in the timing, and you know I suck with clocks-the hands are turning faster and they're slipping down the rocks which are bogging down my brain and causing unmentionable pain and it all goes straight to that one vein" 

"You sure do talk about dicks for a so called straight guy." 

"Freestylin here, meant the vein of thought, a train that keeps derailing and imagining his what? I don't wanna say it cause it's voyeurism, man, but I've walked in on him and the view was like damn-he's stacked or he's packing, how the hell does it go? and I'm sure a good fuck's all I need for this to blow-over and then I don't have to pretend that I'm not into pornographic sex with my best. Male. Friend."

"That was three dick mentions, I'm pretty sure." She counted on her fingers.

Dave rolled his eyes, having taken off his shades at the top of it. She crossed her legs under her dress, and he put his shades back on, panting a little.

"So that's why I'm here. You think having sex with me will help you out here."

"I need to remember why I like girls, okay?"

Jade cracked up, falling off his bed. "You can't just ignore it. Maybe you're just Johnsexual."

"Yeah, really into pissing here. Maybe that's it. Maybe I have a fucking bathroom fetish, is that what-"

"JOHN AS IN JOHN FUCKING EGBERT, YOU BLINDINGLY HOMOSEXUAL PIECE OF SHIT!"

Bro was at the door immediately. His all-knowing grin made Dave flush and Jade sat up straight immediately, trying to look cool. 

"I ordered pizza, if ya wanna stay Jade."

"Thank you so much-"

"She's going."

"No, I'm definitely into pizza."

Dave caught her shoulder as she exited the room, and hissed into her ear that "I'm like a younger version of Bro, you know that right?"

"Dave, you and Dirk are on completely different levels and we are not having sex tonight, alright? Just leave it. Let's have a good time because now I have two more points of blackmail. Didn't know you were into stepsisters."

"Fuuuuuuuck you."

"I already said no twice, Dave." She winked at him and then scurried after his brother.

~~~~

"John, we ended it. Remember?" Rose's eyes were filled with sadness. The playground was empty and they had just gotten off the swings (an old tradition from when they had dated) after half an hour of silence.

"This isn't about me being in love with you. I need a girl to kiss me for the bet." he insisted.

She blew air out through her nose.

"This is a bet with David, right?"

"Yes."

"Did he tell you to come to me?"

"No, he didn't-"

"I'll bet he did. He's already making up rumors."

"What, Dave is?"

"You want to hear a rumor about David Elizabeth Strider?"

"Rose. What are you talking about-"

"Christmas last year."

"You broke up with me on Christmas Day. I remember. Listened to Last Christmas about six hundred times."

"Want to know why?"

"Of course I do, but you refused to tell me!"

"I slept with someone else."

"You...you cheated on me?"

"I got drunk on-" Rose laughed a little. "I got drunk on hot chocolate martinis, and so did he and-"

"I don't want to hear this, Rose. I thought this was about Dave."

"It is."

John's eyes were misty. "He knew?"

"Don't you get it, John?" Rose leaned forward and pecked him on the lips. "There you go. Don't I taste like him though? Irony and Dr. Pepper?"

John pulled back from Rose first for the first time in his life. "This is sick. He's your stepbrother."

"He's your best friend. Which one of us are you more angry at?"

"You seduced him! You got him drunk on purpose! Dave was right about you, of course you're exactly like this! You're a-you're a-" John whispered the last word so quietly Rose had to lean down to hear it. "Whore."

"He made the first move."

~~~~

"Did you get one?"

"No. Jade said no, Terezi laughed, and I think I made bile rise in Vriska's throat. Even tried that senior Jane. She threw cake batter at my face in Home Ec."

"Did you try Rose?"

Dave scoffed. "As if. She's a lunatic."

"She's your sister."

"Lies. You didn't go to her, did you?"

"I win the bet." John said quietly.

Dave figured he'd gone back to Rose and silently cursed.


	6. Fourth Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John knows, doesn't he?  
> Shit.

** Bet IV: Live as an alien. **

"I need explanation again."

John hadn't looked at him directly in the eyes since he kissed Rose.

"Speak in a different language all day."

"Si, lo se."

" _Tu es tres mechant a moi, tu sais. Pourquoi avec mon amour? Tu a su que je l'ai aime._ _Je t'aime maintenant, mais_ -"

"Wait, you love me?"

"I thought you didn't speak French."

"Okay, so I lost this one. That makes it two to one. I'd better get this in gear or I'm fucked, huh?"

"You slept with my girlfriend, Dave. HOW COULD YOU-" John caught himself, sniffling.

"Here's a bet for you, Dave. How about you tell the truth?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You are very mean to me, you know. Why with my lover? You knew that I loved her. I love you now, but-"


	7. Last Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -> DAVE: Tell the truth.

** Bet V: Tell the Truth **

"I had sex with Rose."

"Why?"

Dave stared at him. "Why?"

"Yeah. Why? You could have any girl, why did you have to have my girl Dave?"

"Are you still in love with her?"

"No. I like-it's unimportant, because the person I like doesn't even-why did you do it?"

"I did it because she didn't love you the right way."

"Who are you to say wheher she loved me the right way? What's the right way to love me, Dave? What do you know about love?"

"Nothing except that it can happen to you at the worst times with the wrong person."

"So you love Rose."

"No. I love you."

Taken aback, John swallowed. "I love you too, man, but why did you have to sleep with her?"

"Because I love you the way she's supposed to."

"You mean you're in love with me."

"A little bit, yeah."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I'm serious."

"Fuck you, Dave. That's not funny." John leaned away from him, onto the bench. They were in the town park sitting by the pond, and even the fish seemed happier than John.

"Why would I lie about something like that?"

"Why would you sleep with Rose?"

"Because I thought she could make me love you only as a friend and she thought I'd teach her how to love you for real, and it was so stupid-"

John leaned forward and kissed him.

~~~

Dave pulled away immediately, aghast. "Stop messing with me, man."

"I'm not."

"So you like me."

"A little bit, yeah."

Dave laughed, and John was instantly offended. "What?"

"No homo." Dave laughed. "Like I love you, and I love your hair and your cheekbones and your legs and your laugh and your awful French and your stupid games and your obsession with Nick Cage movies and your eyes when you're very confused like right now-"

John kissed him again.

"I love you, but no homo." Dave was still cracking up.

"I am not a homosexual, Dave."

"Yeah, I know. No homo. No homo. Literally this entire week has been a gigantic no homo."

"But I might be bi."

Dave's eyes widened behind his shades, and he stopped the hysterics.


End file.
